When we are struggling with the death of a loved one it can be really confusing to hear all the conflicting advice from those around us.
Initially after the death, the funeral and for some weeks after, we may be supported by family, friends and colleagues. However, after some months, or even years, have gone by it is common to hear such comments as “You need to snap out of it”, or “It has been months already and you need to move on”, or “You need to get over it”. It can be difficult for those around us to see our tears and sadness and they may ask “Why are you still crying so much?”
Already dealing with feelings of overwhelming sadness, it can be disheartening to also feel that there is something wrong with us and that we should not still be feeling so raw a long time after the death.
It can be helpful to know that there is no time limit to grief. As a very general guide it is normal to feel overwhelmed by feelings for the first 12 to 24 months after the death of someone close. There is no “moving on” and we cannot “snap out of it” as we are not in control of the tsunami of grief which washes over us. We need to fully feel and process all the feelings which arise and try to prepare for all the triggers which will trip us up along the way.
There is no manual on how to grieve properly and we will all cope in our own individual, unique way. There is also no fast forward button to speed grief along. We all need however much time it takes to fully grieve for our loved one in our own way, with or without the support of others. We owe this to ourselves and to the memory of our dear one.
Sometimes it can be helpful and comforting to talk to someone other than our family and friends. A bereavement counsellor can help to normalise the grieving process and aid in more understanding of this painful human experience.
At the Dove Service not only do we offer counselling to give you a place to come and talk about your loss, but we also offer support drop-in groups, where everyone who comes has been bereaved and it can feel less isolating to know others understand, because they are experiencing similar feelings.
We also offer our Dove Buddies groups for adults in various locations throughout Stoke on-Trent and South Cheshire – our social/friendship groups for anyone who has been bereaved. Visiting a Dove Buddies group can be a great place if you are feeling isolated and lonely – why not come and have a cuppa with us?
For more information on any of our services please call us on 01782 683155 (Mon-Fri)